UBUNTU VILLAGE · MASCULINITY & HEALING · THE BOY CHILD CARRIES WEIGHT TOO
“We taught our sons to be strong and forgot to teach them how to grieve. A boy who cannot cry becomes a man who cannot heal — and a man who cannot heal raises another silent son.”
Over the years, the push for gender equality has rightly concentrated on empowering girls. Yet, amid this necessary progress, we’ve overlooked the growing crisis facing boys. This blog post will delve into how biases against boys and the influence of toxic masculinity have contributed to this problem, particularly in the context of East Africa.
Boys and Education: A Silent Crisis
According to the NGEC, the upbringing many boys receive, especially in households where fathers are absent or struggle with addiction, significantly impacts their development and behavior. The NGEC’s research highlights that boys often drop out of school simply because they follow their friends’ lead, or they pursue money-making ventures that ultimately keep them out of school. The consequences of this educational gap extend across generations — and the research on epigenetics and ancestral memory suggests that stress and trauma experienced by fathers can shape the biology of their children in ways we are only beginning to understand.
Mental Health & Identity: The Hidden Toll
Associating men positively with being protective but viewing emotional expressions negatively, boys are discouraged from expressing vulnerability.
Men have a much higher likelihood of dying by suicide compared to women. Healing these wounds requires the kind of communal support explored in our research on mirror neurons and communal healing — the science of how witnessing another’s safety can begin to restore our own.
Social Neglect: Role Models & Support Systems
The government should focus on reducing poverty to ensure that boys can remain in school while their parents are the sole earners. “We need to teach young men from an early age that it’s good to express emotions,” as Mack Exilus points out. Unlearning the deeper structures of patriarchy that produce these constraints is the longer work — and bell hooks confronted this directly in her writing on masculinity. For anyone ready to go deeper, how to unlearn patriarchy — read The Will to Change is an essential companion to this conversation.
References
- UNESCO on boys’ disengagement: https://www.unesco.org/en/gender-equality/education/boys
- Kenya’s 2024 KCSE data: https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/article/2001509484/boys-face-barriers-to-education-leading-to-rising-dropout-rates
- Kenya (Kiambu) survey: https://www.kenyanews.go.ke/boy-child-disadvantaged-and-discriminated/
- Toxic masculinity and health effects: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity
Related Reading
- ‣ Mirror Neurons and Communal Healing
- ‣ Epigenetics and Ancestral Memory: What Your Body Remembers
- ‣ The Body Keeps the Ancestors
Community is the medicine.
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DonateAbout the Author: Kimathi
Kimathi is a Nairobi-based writer and cultural observer contributing to Ubuntu Village’s Africa desk. His work documents the lives, subcultures, and overlooked stories of everyday Kenyans — from the nganya matatu scene to the night workers who carry the city while it sleeps. He writes from the inside out, with the city in his bones.
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